


Coming to Terms

by Sharpeslass



Series: Helping Hands [2]
Category: Saiyuki
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-07
Updated: 2011-08-07
Packaged: 2017-10-22 08:53:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/236300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sharpeslass/pseuds/Sharpeslass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gojyo needs to decide what he wants. First time, PWPish.  Directly follows <a href="http://sharpeslass.livejournal.com/2378.html">Nocturnal Admissions</a>.  But if you hate it, and liked the first part, then this part simply never happened... (kinda like the third X-Men movie).  First published on LJ in 2008.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Coming to Terms

**Author's Note:**

> I was seriously aiming for “hot” with this. But silliness just happens when I put my hands on a keyboard - silliness, myriad ridiculous tangents, and whole, swarming schools of ellipses, which breed in the pages of my fic (thanks to beta [](http://jedishampoo.livejournal.com/profile)[**jedishampoo**](http://jedishampoo.livejournal.com/) for forcibly removing many of them and for really, really trying to help me make this work. She is a saint and all Fail is my own personal fault). For what it’s worth (smut, smut, silliness and pr0n), enjoy.

  
Gojyo was naked. Hakkai was also naked. Not unusual – it was a warm night, they were in bed. _To-fucking-gether. That_ was unusual. How had this happened? There had been some mutual masturbation, all in the name of helping a friend. It had been a total success.

Now, of course, Gojyo and Hakkai were both kind of a sticky mess, pressed up against one another. Gojyo considered it a real risk that they might end up slightly glued together. This didn’t bug Gojyo, but he did wonder if the stickiness bothered Hakkai. It seemed like something that might. If it did, there was no trace of it on his friend’s face.

Instead, Hakkai wore an expression Gojyo’d never seen on him before. He looked kinda happy, a little embarrassed, a little sleepy and very rumpled. It was a look Gojyo might have described as “freshly fucked.” And, he decided, it was a good look for Hakkai.

“Hey, Hakkai?” he said.

“Hmm?”

“You ever try thinking about me before? I mean when you were...” Gojyo didn’t finish the sentence. As usual, he didn’t need to. Hakkai always just _knew..._

“No,” he said simply, and Gojyo noticed himself feeling a little let down by the answer. _Some ego on me,_ he thought. ‘Cause that’s what it had to be. Everyone had to want Sha Gojyo. Everyone generally did, in his experience. But hey, Hakkai wasn’t any more gay than he was. Right?

“How come?” he couldn’t help asking, anyway. He tried to put a swagger in his voice, but thought it was still maybe a little pathetic. It was really fucking hard to be macho while lying naked in bed with another man pretty much covered with his... _How_ had this happened again?

“Probably the same reason I never thought about Yaone-san,” Hakkai answered. “I thought the idea would probably disturb you.”

 _Oh, thank god_ and _What the fuck?_ fought for supremacy in Gojyo’s mind. _Just stop fucking thinking, dumbass. You aren’t good at it. Let Hakkai think. Hakkai is always right._

“What about now?” Gojyo asked. Stop thinking _and_ stop _talking_.

“I imagine now it will be easier,” Hakkai smiled. “But, I hope, unnecessary.”

Gojyo considered the implications of that statement. This wasn’t a one-time thing? He guessed that was okay... But Gojyo’d said some pretty fucked-up shit in the heat of the moment and all. And, he admitted, he’d kind of actually meant most of it... at the time.

But what would Hakkai expect as a result? Would he want Gojyo to suck his dick for real? Let Hakkai fuck him? He’d expected to be put off by the prospect, but instead felt a pleasant jolt run through his body. It started somewhere just above his navel and just beneath his ribcage and ran out in rapid waves to the ends of his fingertips, making them tingle like hell.

His eyes fell closed and he leaned his forehead against Hakkai’s. “That’d probably be all right.” he murmured, forgetting for a moment that no one had actually asked a question.

“What would be all right?” Hakkai asked, tightening his loose grip on Gojyo’s waist.

“Hmmm... You know.” Their lips were nearly touching now. “You and me... this, I guess. It’s not like there are ever any chicks around. So, I guess, as long as there aren’t, it would be okay.”

“As a sort of stop-gap measure?”

Gojyo loved that cool voice, wanted to lick it...“Yeah, something like that.”

“I see,” Hakkai released his hold on Gojyo and rolled onto his back, their stomachs parting company with a damp slurp. Hakkai had apparently just noticed the mess, because he began wiping himself off with a corner of the bedsheet. He was smiling slightly, but it was that small scary smile, now, not the freshly fucked one... And Gojyo wanted that other one back. It surprised him how badly.

“Hakkai.” He grabbed his wrist, stilling the cleanup effort and pinning the offending hand to the bed. He rolled himself on top of his friend, undoing his neatening progress with a wet shlurp. _Good,_ he thought. _Screw tidy._ Hakkai looked like he was about to say something terse, so Gojyo kissed him. Hard. _First kiss,_ he thought, ignoring Hakkai’s unresponsiveness and thrusting a questing tongue between his lips. _Still got it,_ he thought triumphantly as Hakkai gave up his sudden and utterly unexplained snit and answered the demands of Gojyo’s mouth.

Hakkai’s arms wrapped around Gojyo, his hands clutching at his shoulders. An entire school of those swimming little jolts like the one he’d felt earlier took up residence in Gojo’s belly and Hakkai must have felt them, too. Gojyo could feel his friend’s boner and he shifted slightly so that it was chafing against his own. _When the hell had that happened?_

Hakkai groaned Gojyo’s name. _Happy to see him..?_ he thought dizzily. It made sense that their dicks would like each other. He and Hakkai were best buddies. Their dicks could be buddies, too. Why wouldn’t they be? This was like, just... _extreme_ male bonding or something. There should be more of this. This was... healthy, or something, he was sure. Well, maybe not, but it was probably _really_ good for Hakkai. The guy was tense... and fucking hell, it _felt good_ \- the taste of Hakkai, the sound of Hakkai, the feel of Hakkai, the accepting, heated _urgency_ of Hakkai. Gojyo just wanted _more_ of it.

Driven by that want and trying to follow his own rules about thinking, he pushed Hakkai’s unresisting legs apart with his own, supporting his weight on his elbows and knees. Positioned like this, Gojyo found he could control the friction.... Move his hips back and forth, slowly, like fucking...

Hakkai was completely screwing up his rhythm, though, writhing beneath him and clutching his hips and making chaos out of Gojyo’s already amped-up nervous system.

Gojyo pulled back and looked at Hakkai, who was pale and wide-eyed. A pulse jumped in his throat and he looked frantic and even a little frightened.

“Hey, ease up,” Gojyo said softly, a little worried for his friend. _I’m a dick,_ he thought. _Pay attention. First rule, always._ Hakkai just nodded and swallowed hard, releasing his grip on Gojyo and running a hand through his own dark, ruffled hair.

“Sorry,” he laughed shakily.

“S’okay.” Gojyo brushed his lips with his own and tasted another of Hakkai’s desperate moans. “I thought maybe...” he _wanted_ to say it...

“Maybe...” he kissed Hakkai again and was astounded by the surrendering beneath his lips. “Maybe...” _just say it just say it just say it..._

“Youwannadosomethingaboutthatblowjobsituation?” he asked.

Silence. _Damn it... too far. He’d gone too far._

“You’d do that for me?” Hakkai asked, sounding extraordinarily touched.

“Yeah, well.” Awash in a bone-liquefying relief, Gojyo felt suddenly self-conscious. “It kinda looks that way.”

“Have you ever...” Hakkai started to ask.

“Fuck, no.” Gojyo cut that thought off at the pass. “But I figure I’ve been around. I know how it works.”

Hakkai gave him another of those sleepy-ruffled, happy, half-lidded looks and it was just so damned endearing that, without even thinking about it, Gojyo laid a palm to his cheek. _Hell, now I’m getting mushy... With a guy. With Hakkai,_ he corrected himself.

He rose up onto his knees and looked down at his suddenly not-in-the-driver’s-seat friend.

“Well, no time like the present,” Gojyo muttered, surveying Hakkai’s hard-on with some skepticism.

“Gojyo?” Hakkai reached up and grasped Gojyo’s arm. “You really don’t have to.”

“I know I don’t fucking have to. That’s not what this is about, okay?” What was this about? he wondered. “Just shut up for a change. I need to concentrate.” He’d obviously lost his mind.

“Is this insane?” Hakkai seemed to echo Gojyo’s thoughts.

“Sanity?” Gojyo’s lips quirked. “Yeah, I remember that. It used to live with me... It hit the road when _you_ moved in.”

Hakkai laughed. It was a weak laugh, but it was sincere. Gojyo could always tell.

He pressed a violent kiss on Hakkai’s lips, trying to draw a little encouragement from the contact before proceeding with this foray into unknown territory. Face to face, the whole thing was still a little intimidating. He gave Hakkai’s penis a few experimental licks, eliciting groans and squirms from its owner, and then took it into his mouth. It felt kind of smooth against his tongue. Taste: not bad, exactly – a little sweaty, maybe, but clean. (This was _Hakkai_ after all. Clean was almost some kind of religion to him.) It was also really, fucking hard, completely unbending and thick as all hell. Hakkai rocked his hips violently and Gojyo choked. He let out a muffled protest and flattened a palm against Hakkai’s abdomen to hold him still.

“Sorry,” Hakkai gritted.

“Mmphf...” Gojyo answered. This was harder than it looked. Gojyo offered up belated mad props to all the chicks who’d gone down on him in his life, as he fought a gag reflex and choked noisily.

“Please... Don’t... Oh, my... Gojyo. Don’t. Stop.”

“I’m not gonna,” Gojyo snarled.

“No. I mean.” Hakkai pushed himself up, trying to shift himself out of Gojyo’s grasp, and managing to give Gojyo a jab in the eye with his erection.

“What’re you doing? Stay still!”

“I don’t want you to hurt yourself,” Hakkai said weakly.

“Will you just... I can do this!” Gojyo insisted, giving his friend’s dick another wholehearted, if somewhat sloppy, slurp.

“Oh... Oh, God,” Hakkai said. He flopped back _finally, damned control freak_ as Gojyo managed to relax his throat muscles enough to take in Hakkai’s entire length semi-comfortably. His eyes were watering, and he suspected his nose was running, but the sounds now coming from his friend made it worth the discomfort.

Hakkai made the thing a bit easier by keeping still, though his entire body was shaking with the effort. He was speaking too. Mumbling, really - whole strings of incomprehensible sentences without coherence or even relevance. Gojyo thought he heard something about driving on the wrong side of the road and very possibly some sort of half-assed lecture on the appropriate place for cigarette butts. It was all very odd. _Nothing is ever boring with this guy,_ he thought fondly, wondering if Hakkai even remembered Gojyo was here.

Gojyo felt like he was finally starting to catch on to this blow-job business when once again Hakkai started struggling to sit up. Gojyo reached up and pushed him back down, growling slightly around Hakkai’s cock.

“I think I’m going to...”

 _Oh, well. In for a penny..._ Gojyo shut his eyes and dove down on Hakkai so hard that his nose pressed against the other man’s stomach. Hakkai’s hips jerked and Gojyo felt his cock twitch in his mouth. Gojyo swallowed several times in rapid succession as Hakkai came. _Kind of a lot there for a guy who just jerked off not twenty minutes ago,_ was Gojyo’s first thought. _Kinda tastes like bleach,_ was his second. _Thought it would be more salty..._

He let Hakkai’s now semi-erect and much more manageable dick slide out of his mouth and his friend twitched and whimpered again in response. Gojyo flopped down next to him, throwing an arm loosely over his bare chest. Hakkai’s heart was thumping like gang-busters, he noted.

“You okay?” he asked.

“Don’t let Goku do the shopping, okay, Sanzo?”

“What the fuck, Hakkai? Are you even awake?”

“Oh,” Hakkai opened his eyes and looked at Gojyo foggily. “Hello, Gojyo. Is it time to get up now?”

“Hakkai!” Gojyo shook him. “Talk sense! You’re fucking freaking me out here!”

Hakkai shook his head slightly and shut his eyes again. When he reopened them they were slightly clearer.

“Sorry,” he smiled. “Kind of zoned out there for a minute.”

“Kind of?” Gojyo wondered aloud.

“That was really amazing...”

“I guess so,” Gojyo muttered, still a little shaken by the response of weird.

“I mean it. Thank you.”

“Sure,” Gojyo said. He gave Hakkai his best leer. “I bet you could think of some ways to repay me...”

“About that.” Hakkai sat up, sliding into his lecturing tone. _Oh, shit._ Gojyo wasn’t ready for reasonable and calm. He didn’t want crazy back, but he still had a hard-on and wasn’t in the mood to deal with Mom!Hakkai. Hakkai took his glasses off the nightstand and slid them on. _Fucking great._ Hakkai didn’t even need the damn glasses. Hadn’t needed them since he went all youkai, but he clung to them anyway, like a comfortable habit.

“There were some pretty attractive young women in the bar tonight,” Hakkai commented.

“Who the fuck cares?” Gojyo asked, leaning up on an elbow and staring at Hakkai in astonishment. Eyes: normal. No sign of manifest crazy. And yet....

“You do, presumably,” said Hakkai, shrugging lightly. “You said yourself...”

“Fuck what I said! Since when does anyone around here listen to me, anyway? C’mere.”

Gojyo grasped Hakkai’s shoulder and tried to forcibly pull him down beside him. Hakkai remained unbudged, looking at him with serious and infuriatingly reasonable eyes.

Gojyo flopped onto his back and started stroking his own dick. Hakkai blinked and flicked a tongue over his lower lip. He slid down slightly and reached for Gojyo. _That’s more like it,_ Gojyo thought, shutting his eyes in relief. But Hakkai’s hand bypassed his dick and instead closed around his wrist.

“Hey!” Gojyo opened his eyes and struggled to extricate his hand from Hakkai’s iron grip. Not budging. He had two choices: punch Hakkai with his free hand and turn this into a fight - that could be kind of an effective release, in a painful sort of way (because, no denying it, Hakkai could totally kick his ass) - or stay where he was and let Hakkai finish making his point, whatever the fuck that was.

“Talk, you idiot,” he grumbled.

“I,” said Hakkai, raising his free hand, index finger outstretched. “Am a ‘stop-gap measure,’ and as such, should be utilized if, and only if, there are no attractive female options available.”

“But, I want y...”

 _Oh..._

Gojyo took a few moments to process the new data slowly entering his brain. Not-so-new data, possibly. Maybe even something he might have picked up on a little sooner. But never mind that...

“So, what?” he asked stiffly. “You want us to be boyfriends or something?”

“Possibly that, yes,” answered Hakkai. “Definitely lovers.” _How could he sound so goddamned calm about this?_ “And you want that, too, Gojyo. I know you think that this whole thing is all about some kind of male bonding and...” _Ouch. Fuck._ “...it just doesn’t work that way. You haven’t seriously pursued a woman in months... maybe years. You just have to be able to admit that. To me and to yourself.”

“You’re not gonna let me keep any illusions at all, are you, you sadistic bastard?” Gojyo asked. But he couldn’t help giving Hakkai a small smile.

“I don’t think the denial is emotionally healthy, Gojyo.”

 _ **He’s** talking to **me** about emotional health...???!!! Him...? Cho Hakkai, nee Cho Gonou: poster boy for mental stability?_

“I don’t want to be gay,” Gojyo sulked, praying that Hakkai would let the irony of those words spoken in _this_ situation slide.

Hakkai did... almost. He still rolled his eyes.

“Why do you insist on thinking in those terms, Gojyo?” he asked reasonably. He continued, pushing up his glasses as he spoke. “When I was with Kanan, I was with her _because she was Kanan,_ and because I loved her, not because she was a woman. When I’m with you...” he trailed off with a slight wave of his hand.

 _A hand that really, really should have been on Gojyo’s dick, dammit._ It was not fair of Hakkia to try and persuade him of anything when he was in this state. It was fucking blackmail, that’s what it was. Gojyo hadn’t tried to make Hakkai accept any personal truths when he’d had him on his back and squirming. There would be payback for this at some point, and yes... it would be a bitch. Gojyo opened his mouth to tell Hakkai exactly what he thought of his tactics.

“If I agree with you, will you give me a hand job?” came out instead.

“No,” Hakkai replied levelly. “If you agree with me, and mean it, I’ll let you fuck me.”

 _Do I wanna do that?_ Gojyo wondered. His shameless dick answered in the affirmative with a violent twitch. _Fuck, fuck, fuck. What the hell was going on here? Why did Hakkai always have to be so goddamned right about shit?_

“Okay,” he said. _Mouth. On. Autopilot._

“Okay, what?” Hakkai pressed. _Because Hakkai was a fucking bastard and Gojyo didn’t lo... like him one fucking bit._

“Just ‘okay’, Hakkai,” he shouted. “Fuck. Baby-steps here, all right? Give me a fucking break!”

Hakkai took mercy on Gojyo at last. He slid down closer and, releasing Gojyo’s wrist, encircled his cock in his sure, smooth hand. Gojyo arched into the touch with a relieved moan. _Hakkai was the best friend ever, ever, ever..._

“God, I fucking lo...” _Not that. Not yet..._ “That feels so fucking good.” And Hakkai was kissing him and it _was_ good. Too good. “You said,” he stilled Hakkai’s hand, remembering.

“Yes,” Hakkai was all earnestness above him again. “Have you done this?”

“Not with a guy, but yeah... sure,” Gojyo replied.

“Really?” Hakkai asked, clearly interested. “How did it go?”

“She said she wasn’t that into it, but y’know, it was cool. She was up for anything.”

Hakkai gave a short laugh. “You did better than I did. Kanan didn’t speak to me for three days.”

“Ouch,” said Gojyo, wincing.

“I didn’t really have permission, though. It was sort of an accident.”

“Oops.”

“Yes. I felt quite badly.”

“I’ll be careful,” promised Gojyo.

“I know,” Hakkai said simply. “I’m not worried. I’m somewhat curious, actually.”

“Hm. ‘Turned on’ might be better than ‘curious’,” Gojyo informed him.

“Give me some time,” Hakkai said, laughing. “It’s been a busy night.”

“Sure. So, do you, uh, have?” The conversation was interesting and all, but Hakkai still had his hand on his dick, loosely, chafing and torturing without actually promising any release. “You know, something for...”

“I’ve got almond oil in my night kit,” Hakkai answered the unfinished question.

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Why, exactly?”

“It’s good for cuticles.” Hakkai _did_ have perfect fingernails.

“No kidding? Good to know, I guess,” said Gojyo. _And the journey into the bizarre progresses further._ Gojyo got up and retrieved the item in question from the bathroom. He stopped a few feet from the bed.

Hakkai was lying on his back, face turned toward the window, looking out at the moon. The light shone on his ivory body, all lean muscle and bone. His penis was semi-erect again and Hakkai was stroking it slowly, shuddering as his thumb brushed the head on each upstroke. Gojyo was achingly aware that in his whole, misspent, lust-ridden life he had _never_ seen anything that had turned him on as much as this did.

An unbidden groan escaped his lips and Hakkai turned to look at him. He said nothing, just stretched out his arms. And Gojyo was in them, on top of Hakkai, pressing frantic kisses into his neck and breathing hard into his ear. He thought he was babbling something and hoped to god it made more sense than the shit Hakkai’d been uttering earlier. He managed to pull away... just. Kneeling between Hakkai’s legs, he fumbled with the plastic bottle of almond oil, feeling a million kinds of clumsy and inept.

“Should I roll over?” Hakkai asked, and Gojyo was gratified at the slight hitch in his voice.

“No,” Gojyo was adamant. “I want to see your face.”

Hakkai whimpered slightly and threw an arm across his eyes. And Gojyo noted with satisfaction that his dick was fully hard again.

“You want me bad, don’t you?” he grinned.

“Seriously, I don’t know why I...” Hakkai began.

Gojyo plunged in to stop the impending rationality with his mouth.

“Ah!”

“Oops.”

“I’m not sure we need that much, Gojyo.”

“Fucking lid fell off. Not my fault.”

“I have to pause and express my most sincere sympathy for the maid in this establishment.”

“I’ve been putting my cigarettes out in the ashtray,” Gojyo shrugged. “Besides, I’m sure she’s seen worse.”

“I shudder to think on it.”

“Don’t side-track me,” Gojyo growled.

“Would that even be possib...” the last word barely made it out, as Gojyo was once again kneeling between Hakkai’s legs and nudging oil-drenched fingers at Hakkai’s virgin entrance. Hakkai squirmed, his dick pulsed and Gojyo felt intense sympathy pangs run through his entire body. _No mercy... I owe you._ He slid a finger into Hakkai, perhaps not entirely gently. Hakkai jerked in response, but didn’t protest. Gojyo wiggled the digit gently, feeling the heat and the closeness. He thrust in and out a few times and added a second finger. God, it was tight. Would this even be possible?

He wasn’t sure he’d taken this much care with his female partner during this process, but he somehow felt this was more important. This wasn’t just fooling around with options and openings... This had to be something Hakkai liked, wanted. And then later, he’d try it, too. He’d let Hakkai do that. He knew that, now. He groaned at the thought as he flexed his fingers within his friend’s body and Hakkai let out a simultaneous noise.

“Does it hurt?” he asked.

“No. Do it. I’m ready,” answered Hakkai.

“Sure?”

“Fuck, yes. Please.”

“I think I like the sound of that,” Gojyo drawled. “Beg me some more.” He wrapped the fingers of his free hand around Hakkai’s swollen cock as he spoke.

Hakkai managed an unsteady sigh. “If you think it’s, oh... God, uhn, entirely necessary. Fuck, oh fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuck me, Gojyo, please.”

That did it. No more waiting. Gojyo withdrew his questing fingers and, leaned into Hakkai, who obligingly bent his legs, wrapping them loosely around Gojyo’s hips. He pressed his erection to Hakkai’s more-than-adequately lubricated entrance and slid in with one smooth thrust.

 _Stars._ Gojyo literally saw stars. It was that good, and that tight and that... that fucking _Hakkai._

Gojyo’s instinct was to begin thrusting, to take up that in-and-out that he knew from long experience, felt so amazingly good. But he recalled himself and opened his eyes, checking on his partner. Hakkai’s face was tense, his hands clutched at Gojyo’s back. Was it pain or pleasure? As well as he knew Hakkai, with his senses spinning the way they were right now, he wasn’t sure.

“Am I hurting you?” he asked.

“No,” Hakkai gritted. _Ah, pain, then,_ Gojyo acknowleged. “Not too badly, actually. Feels strange.”

“How’s this?” Gojyo rotated his hips slightly, moving slowly and as gently as possible under the extreme assault of _good_ that he was feeling. He must have done something right because suddenly Hakkai was moaning in a definitively not-hurt way. Gojyo slid a hand between them and grasped Hakkai’s hard and dripping cock and just kept it up. His vision starred again.

“Oh, god, Hakkai,” _now... now... now..._ “I fucking love you!”

Hakkai groaned a long wordless sound into his ear and, as Gojyo felt the jump of Hakkai’s cock in his hand and the corresponding flow of sticky warmth against his palm, he emptied himself with a delirious thrust into his friend’s willing body.

They lay, sweating and completely sated, for several long, sultry seconds. Then Hakkai spoke.

“So.” His voice had never sounded this relaxed. “No women, right?”

“No, huh?” Gojyo drawled the question.

“I honestly don’t think you’ll even have time for them,” Hakkai said sounding smug.

Gojyo grinned and shut his eyes. “I guess that’ll be okay, then.”

 **  
_*fin*_   
**

Thank you for reading!


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